cancer is a hard companion

The simple act of going to the bathroom is taken by cancer.  Taking heavy pain killers makes that simple, ordinary act an issue. I tried to control it. No chance.

The deep underlying issue is I am terminally ill. I continue to try to deny that even though I can barely turn in my bed.

Tonight after waking 3 times in pain and distress I was forced to face it once again. It makes me so sad. Sad and angry. I want to get well. But I will never will. It is hard to accept because I feel so alive. It is hard to know my helplessness.

But I am alive right now. I am able to appreciate every breath of air, every moment, every carrot and strawberry. I am able to live right now fully. Yes, angry; but also grateful with each breath.


Cancer is a hard companion. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousAugust 3, 2017 at 5:37 AM

    just another offer to bring you some canabioid oil it seems to be holding my cancer at bay. I am only using that besides the surgeries to get rid of the initial tumors in my right kidney. they took the whole thing, and two tumors in my brain and several nodules in my lungs and lymph near the vena cava. all are stable right now and I am up and about with some limits caused by the stroke I had because of the brain tumor bleeding four weeks ago. I know the statistics are not great for stage IV RCC but I feel like I might survive it and if not t least be able to live well until then. The some thing I know is everyone has there own path. I can make you up some and get it to you somehow. IT helps with sleep and I think would help with pain. also the opoids bind us right up and making pooping nearly impossible or at the least a chore. John H aka feather

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