Cancer - my companion

The simple act of going to the bathroom easily and comfortable, and yes naturally; disappears under drug therapy. I thought I could fix that so my life would be "normal"again. I can't. I am reminded again that I'm not "normal".  I have a terminal illness. I held onto denial even though I can barely turn over in the bed. Tonight, after waking 3 times in distress and pain I  am forced to accept it. It makes me sad and angry. I want to get well. I will never get well. That is not one of my options. I hate being forced to know the truth.  And to to be helpless to change. I'm never going to get well. But I can live each day, each moment, with as much joy and awareness as possible. I am alone on this path and having a wonderful life. In this moment, though angry, I am also grateful. cancer is a hard companion.  '

Thank you for your strong women's shoulders and arms pulling me from panic and death. Thank you for laughing at my timid jokes as I battle fear and loss. Thank you for holding my hands as I weep in the face of helplessness. Thank you for letting me cling to your firm grip less I be lost in grief. Thank you for calling me toward greater health and fearlessness, Thank you