July 21 - don't make me accept the truth

The simple act of going to the bathroom easily and comfortable, and yes naturally; disappears under drug therapy. I thought I could fix that so my life would be "normal"again. I can't.

I am reminded again that I'm not "normal".  I have a terminal illness. I held onto denial even though I can barely turn over in the bed. Tonight, after waking 3 times in distress and pain I  am forced to accept it.

It makes me sad and angry. I want to get well. I will never get well.
That is not one of my options. I hate being forced to know the truth.  And to to be helpless to change. I'm never going to get well.

But I can live each day, each moment, with as much joy and awareness as possible. I am alone on this path and having a wonderful life. In this moment, though angry, I am also grateful.

cancer is a hard companion.  '

Comments

  1. Dianne O’DJuly 30, 2017 at 12:49 AM

    ...my life. It changed everything. I became more aware and more appreciative and more tolerant and more loving and more accepting of love. And enjoyed stupid jokes more!
    I haven't died yet, and I regret your path probably won't be the same as mine. But once you believe that the next step on your journey is probably death it changes your life forever. Your experience becomes unique and strangely amazing!
    I love you to pieces, Angela, and I apologize for rambling on and on about my journey. This is really about you my darling sister!

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